Preparing For the Storm: Lessons From the Wilderness

WARNING: if Chris Gee (OCA parent) asks you to go backpacking in the wilderness.... just say NO!

“It will be fun” he said.To the contrary, my friend.

We hiked 22 miles in 30 hours with 15 of the hours full of rain, hail, flooded rivers, lightning, thunder, tornado watches, and no cell phone service except for on the top of one of the ridgelines.  When we got to the ridgeline and checked the weather, this is what we found.

We were surrounded by six tornado watches!

I spent weeks getting prepared for our trek.  I bought the right stuff, borrowed some tools, and even lost almost 30 pounds to get ready for this voyage through the Ouachita National Forest.  I did not, however, prepare for the weather that we faced unexpectedly. We knew that weather would be moving into this area, but it came faster than anticipated.

We treked 12 miles away from our car to a river crossing, but could not cross the river because it was up 10 feet due to the flooding.  This meant we had to turn back and go 12 miles backwards just to get back to where we began.  On the trip back we ran into another flooded river, but we had to cross it to get home.  So I became the guinea pig and forged across the river with a rope so we could use it to guide everyone across.

As I was hiking out trying to get back to our cars and to civilization, I had several thoughts running through my mind, but one that I think is worth mentioning here.

Since my time as President of OCA I have seen students, teachers, families, and friends go through some tough “wilderness” experiences themselves.  Unfortunately for some, to even categorize it as a “wilderness” experience is trivial compared to the reality some have faced. Often life seems unfair and unpredictable.  

At this very moment, I assume some of our families are going through the wilderness now.

• Financial hardships
• Medical diagnosis
• Struggling with priorities
• Losing a loved one
• Marital issues
• This list could go on and on...

So, on that mountain I pondered, what tools do kids need to make it through life’s wilderness experiences?  What should we (school and families) be doing/teaching our students to prepare them for the ‘wilderness moments’ of life?

Here are five practical thoughts:

1. Teach them that God is with them in the wilderness. (Biblical example: Mark 4--Jesus was in the boat during the storm.)  On my trip God was present.  I didn’t expect him to part the waters of the flooded river for me to cross, but I did depend on him to help me make good decisions when we reached difficult intersections.  Our kids need to learn from us that God is our first life-line when the storms are raging.

2. Allow them to learn to deal with "low level" adversity moments when they’re young and don’t pretend that life is fair.  Few things prepare young people for adult life more than working through adversity.  Learning how to solve a problem, especially when it’s difficult, is an invaluable skill.  So train your kids now in adverse moments.  Walk them through problem-solving steps and help them learn how to do that themselves.

3. Surround your children with a village of people that love your kids and your family and lean on them during wilderness moments.  A church family is a wonderful thing to have!  I had never been on this trail before, and my outdoor experience was somewhat limited compared to others.  So I depended on the people around me to help me make good decisions.  Our kids need to know who they can depend on, and they need to feel safe going to those people for support.

4. Don’t let pride or anything else keep you from using a professional to guide you through the wilderness.  This one is very important.  Our kids need to know that professional help is available when they want it or need it.  We need to provide professional guides to our kids when the rivers in their lives are flooding.

5. Find ways to create “grit” in your children.  Duckworth, Peterson, Matthews, and Kelly (2007) explain, “The gritty individual approaches achievement as a marathon; his or her advantage is stamina. Whereas disappointment or boredom signals to others that it is time to change trajectory and cut losses, the gritty individual stays the course” (p. 1088). Are your kids gritty?  When the weather is blowing and there are miles to go, do they understand that hard work is the key?  

This adventure is one that I’ll never forget.  It was exciting, scary, and exhausting.  But looking back, I’m proud of the hard work it took and all of the preparation I did to get ready.  But it’s especially important to remember that we can’t prepare for all of life’s storms.  They will appear out of nowhere.  We need to be teaching our kids these lessons during the calm times so they are ready when the rivers seem impassable.

Three Ways to Continue Character Building at Home

Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, the summer is nearly upon us.  There are only a few weeks until graduation.  Once school is out for the summer many of the normal operations of the campus will stop.  The constant buzz and energy of students in the halls will dissipate, and the cheerful voices of our teachers will be noticeably absent.  But not all of the good things have to stop for the summer.

We’ve placed a lot of effort this school year on the idea of character building.  It goes into the planning for nearly everything we do.  But character building is something that needs to be thought about over the summer, too.  Parents, here are a few very simple things you can do to help your child develop even further while they are home over the summer.

1. Family Service

Our kids take their cues from us.  They learn what acceptable living looks like by watching us.  And while they may not see the many hours of work that you are putting into serving your own family, it’s important for them to see you serving others.

One great way to work along-side your kids in service is to survey your neighborhood and find a person or family who needs help with something.  Maybe it’s adopting a widow who needs her lawn mowed. Fathers, that’s a great service for you to do with your child.  Find a way to get outside of your normal comfort zone and show someone love, and make sure your kids are along for the ride.  Choosing to do service that has no measurable payback is humbling, and it’s the very heart of Christianity.

2. Talk About the Hard Stuff

Americans have worked long and hard to push discomfort into extinction.  The sad part about that is, our kids often suffer from our choices to not talk about the hard stuff.  Either we don’t want to make them uncomfortable or we don’t want the awkwardness, but either way our kids suffer when we don’t address the tough stuff.

Make a point of talking about the hard stuff this summer.  Address the issues that have been lingering.  Is your child struggling with honesty?  Make this the summer of clarity on how dishonesty hurts him/her, you as a parent, and God as their heavenly father.  Do you have a child who is reaching puberty?  Just talk about it.  Is your high schooler dabbling in areas that they shouldn’t be?  Don’t let it go on.  Make this the summer of talk.  Good comes from shining light in the darkness.

Stepping up to the plate and doing the hard things will set a fantastic example for your children.  They will see your example and know that you love them, but they will also see that discomfort isn’t a bad thing.

3. Create ceremonies

There’s nothing wrong with making a big deal out of otherwise normal events.  Find a way to create ceremonies for your kids this summer, and make a big deal out of it!

The whole idea is to let your kids know that their development is important to you.  There are a lot of different ways to celebrate your child, but we’re focusing on character development, so here are two examples.

Milestone Celebrations

You may identify key ages at 5 (when the start Kindergarten), 10 (around puberty), 16 (when they get driver’s license), 18 (graduate high school) as appropriate times to have ceremonies that remind your child about the importance of their new responsibilities as well as the excitement that is to come.  Include other people in these events who are influential in your child’s development, and ask them to take part in the ceremony by sharing blessings or advice.  This creates an opportunity for you as the parent to open up the line of communication and to pour truth into their hearts.

Character Celebrations

Keep your eyes open for opportunities to celebrate your children when they make great decisions that exhibit character.  Did your kiddo choose to tell the truth even when it was very hard to do?  Did your child choose to give his/her last piece of candy to someone else?  Did your high schooler make the decision to not go with his/her friends to a place they shouldn’t? Show them how important that is.  Celebrate character growth at every turn. Whether it’s ice cream on the way home, or a nighttime bonfire event with friends, our kids should know how important good character is.

I'm Not the King. Life is Bigger Than Me.

“Brandon! You’re not the KING of this house!”

This is one of the wonderful choruses that my mother sang out often during my youth.  I remember it very clearly, and my mother had to remind me often.  I wasn’t in control in our house.

As a parent, do you sometimes feel the need to remind your children that they are not in control?  Maybe it’s a bold statement like my mom’s, or maybe you find yourself constantly trying to help your kids see that there is a bigger picture.

As an adult, “you’re not king of this house” rings true everyday.  I have to remind myself daily that life should not be about me.

As I mentioned in a previous blog, author Tim Elmore explains that the lives of our children are full of speed, convenience, entertainment, nurturing and entitlement.  I explained that these things are not inherently bad, but if this is reality for kids, it can cause problems that often lead to very difficult consequences.  The key is knowing the right opportunities to teach all of life’s messages.

Childhood Messages Adolescent Messages

1.  You are loved. 1.  Life is difficult.

2.  You are unique. 2.  You are not in control.

3.  You have gifts. 3.  You are not that important.

4.  You are safe. 4.  You are going to die.

5.  You are valuable. 5.  Your life is not about you.

As adults we need to have a realistic view of life, and as parents we need to equip our children with a realistic view.  We need to clearly express these childhood messages as a foundation for our children, but there comes a point when they need to start hearing the adolescent messages.

At OCA, how can we assist you in helping our students realize that life is bigger than us?  That we are called to a larger purpose?  One positive way we believe we can do this is through a new program we will be initiating next year.  Oklahoma Christian Academy will be partnering with Hope Christian Academy.

Hope Christian Academy is a private Christian school in Ghana, West Africa.  It offers life-changing opportunities to children that live in the adjacent orphanage, Village of Hope, as well as the surrounding villages.  Only 10% of the people of Ghana (and West Africa in general) are able to attend school after second grade, due to the cycle of poverty.  In addition, over 30,000 children in Ghana are homeless.  Whether they are sold into slavery by desperate parents, lose parents to disease, or have been abandoned, these children long for an education.  The children who have the incredible blessing of attending Hope Christian Academy are aware that this opportunity calls them to make a difference.

Our Sister School Program allows our OCA students to make a difference.  This exclusive Sister School Program will partner students and teachers at Oklahoma Christian Academy with students and teachers at Hope Christian Academy to foster mutual sharing, understanding, and tolerance.

How will our students develop these 21st Century Kingdom skills of generosity, justice, and tolerance?

Our first through eighth grade students will be exposed to learning experiences that compare and contrast the geography, history, and cultural practices of Oklahoma students with those of their friends in Ghana, allowing them to develop tolerance of differing perspectives.  In addition, OCA students will be paired with HCA students as pen pals, fostering and deepening friendships.  They will participate in service projects that make a concrete, positive difference in the lives of their friends at HCA.

The Sister School Program applies Biblical principles to students’ lives, inspiring and broadening their life vision, worldview, compassion, and service by giving them an opportunity to play an active role in God’s redemptive plan for the world.  It will allow our students to live out what God has asked of them,

“And what does the Lord require of you?  

To act with justice and to love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God”

Micah 6:8

We have committed ourselves to this project for many reasons.  In addition to the educational and emotional formation it will provide, this program allows us to complete a major part of our mission at OCA, to equip our students to “exercise Christian leadership in our world.”

Raising Digital Citizens (Part 2)

Are you being intentional with your children's time spent on the internet? Whether we admit it or not, technology is impacting our families in both positive and negative ways. Let’s focus on some practical tools to make your life easier while you're raising children in a digital age.

Family WiFi Router

Here are three newer options that are transforming home technology protection. With these options parents can filter content, limit screen time, and monitor usage.

Koala Safe

Circle with Disney - Video

Qustodio

Accountability Software

Covenant Eyes will allow you to flag certain content on multiple devices and when inappropriate content is used you will be notified.  Video

Now, cellphones are a different animal!

It's extremely difficult for parents to manage the cell phone usage of their children. Studies show that 88% of American teens ages 13 to 17 have or have access to a mobile phone of some kind, and a majority of teens (73%) have smartphones. 

I don't have good data on when to give children cell phones, but through my experience I don't think it's a wise decision to give unlimited internet to elementary students. So, if your elementary student has a SMART phone you may consider limiting Safari, which you can do in the settings.

The most brilliant thing I have seen parents do with the use of cellphones is create a cell phone contract between parents and child. This may seem strange, but it's imperative to build a trusting relationship with your child when it comes to their phone. Here is an example of an appropriate contract. Please take a look and consider it!

When your child graduates from high school he/she will have access to anything they want. As you consider that, I think it is wise to create a timeline of expectations that work backwards from 18 years old. Our end-goal should be creating responsible young adults. I would suggest creating different contracts as your child gets older, allowing for more freedom and creating less restriction as they mature.  Pick certain milestones and create goals to help achieve each milestone..

Just a thought!

6th & 7th grade: basic cell phone with no internet (They still exist!) Don’t turn on the data plan.

• Create a contract with heavy restrictions.  The primary purpose of the phone now is to communicate with mom and dad as students become more involved in extracurricular and social activities.  Your service provider can walk you through steps to monitor messages.

8th-10th grade: Turn on data plan but limit the usage of Safari utilizing accountability software.

• Create a contract creating a little more freedom but still having control. Students may be texting and communicating more with friends now.  Your service provider can walk you through ways to monitor student messages, but it’s important to know about apps and other ways that students communicate, such as direct messaging through apps.  The only way to check these is to know your students’ passwords.  OCA’s fall parenting workshops on technology target these types of tips.

11th-12th grade: If your student has proven trustworthy with a phone up to this point, you can provide a little more freedom.  A good phrase to guide you is “trust but verify.”  You trust the student has developed good habits, but you still do occasional checks to verify continued good choices.  Keep a contract, but it can reflect these updates in monitoring and freedom.

This is just a rough timeline using the knowledge of my experiences working with parents and teens. This is not a plan that will fit all families, and you will need to decide what is best for you. My desire is to provide you with practical tips for raising teens in this technological age.

At OCA we are committed to assisting you in raising children that honor God, themselves, and others by learning to become good digital citizens.

Technology is frighteningly amazing!

Digital Citizenship & Practical Parenting (Part 1)

Fact: Technology is rapidly changing the world we are living in. It is changing the way we, learn, communicate, shop, entertain, travel and teach.

Raising children in this digital climate is not an easy task. Some of you have no memories of a computer in your house growing up while others may have memories of one computer located in your parents bedroom or some other place where using it involved being monitored. Fortunately and unfortunately, these days no longer exist.

As a parent I have been very intentional with the amount of technology and television that we allow our 18-month-old to watch. That's a ridiculous statement! Think about what I just said. I have to be intentional with not allowing my 18-MONTH-OLD to overuse technology. You know the drill… YouTube Mickey Mouse, playing peekaboo barnyard on our phone, etc. My 18-month-old can even FaceTime grandparents who live out of state.  

Technology is Amazing

What we can do with technology today is simply incredible. For example, our students at OCA have access to real time collaboration through Google Documents.

Technology is Frightening

We get this at OCA. That is why we have put several technology safeguards into place.

1. Content filtering system on campus.
2. Any Chromebook that is allowed to leave campus, our content filter follows the device off-campus.
3. Every high school student must sit through a technology orientation and Chromebook course before they receive their device.
4. Hapara System- where the teachers can see what the students are doing on their computers in real time and create a classroom management process.

What can you do to protect your home?

First and foremost it is important for both educators and parents to remember that we should always focus on the hearts of our children. There is a place to block access, hold accountable, control usage, and monitor content. However, let’s continue to partner together as a school and as a family to raise children that desire to do the right thing. Let us spend intentional time talking about the values and beliefs of our children because ultimately their actions will flow out of these values and beliefs. When we can focus on the heart we are truly creating digital citizens.

It is no surprise that we see Jesus frequently focusing on the heart and the character of people. In Matthew 5:21-48 we see a famous passage where Jesus repeats the statement, “You have heard that is was said...

Jesus is more concerned about the beliefs and values that are causing the specific action rather than the specific action. As parents, let’s not forget this.

Now, with my sermon over… I do believe there is wisdom in protecting your home and our school by using technology appropriately. So, let’s get practical.

Be looking for Part 2 of this blog series next week with practical information to protect your home.