Don't Get Comfortable

The title for this blog post is stolen from a good friend of mine, Ken Parker. Ken is a co-founder and CEO of NextThought a company focused on connecting learners everywhere, building engaging communities, and creating collaborative content. Ken recently gave the commencement address at Oklahoma Christian University's 2016 Graduation and he titled his address, ‘Don’t Get Comfortable’. You can also check out his TED talk here.

Ken focused on three points with the OC Graduates:

• Comfort is almost always bad.
• To reach your furthest potential you must be uncomfortable.
• Get started! It is never too late.

Comfortability
We tend to look at this word very positively in our culture. In fact, until recently I am not sure a negative thought ever crossed my mind when I heard this word. Comfortable. When I hear it I think of my bed, my recliner, chicken fried steak, ice cream, you get the point.

When it comes to growing, however, being comfortable doesn’t get me there. In fact, the only thing that grows when you're comfortable is your waistline… Comfortable, does not help me become more mature, more knowledgeable, more healthy, or more Christ-like. You get the point.

This leads me to OCA’s graduation evening on Friday, May 20th. I am sitting on stage about to hand our 2016 seniors their diplomas (a great group I may add).  I have Ken Parker's commencement address in the back of my mind and one of our valedictorians, William Lin, gets to the podium to give his speech and I am awed at his wisdom. With his permission, here is the transcript of that speech.

Do you remember those times when you got a little tired and then took a break? When you fell asleep comfortably and on time?

Or do you remember when you continued work long after you were exhausted? When you stayed up all night studying?

Most of my memories don’t come from doing what I wanted to do. Even my fondest memories don’t come from my wants. The things I cherish the most now are the things I disliked back then. I never wanted to participate in all of Mrs. Campbell’s academic events. I never wanted to join an orchestra. I never wanted to get a job teaching children how to swim. But now I look back and see that those are the best parts of life. I never even wanted to give a valedictorian speech… well actually I still don’t. So, obviously, there have been some instances where I haven’t grown to love something that I hate, but that’s all part of the experience. You do what you hate to find out what you love.

Now class, good job on making it this far, but from here, we still only have as much chance as anyone else. We’re not prestigious. We’re not the number one seed. We ARE different, but then again, everyone else is told the same thing. Don’t kid yourself by seeking only what you love and thinking you’ll be happy. There will always be disappointments, so instead of avoiding them,  indulge in them, because it’s the difficulties and unexpected that’s memorable. What truly defines you.

So I’d like to thank those who forced me to do what I hated, who kept my life imperfect. You know who you are and I don’t want to read off a list of people, so… yeah.

So, just let me leave you with one piece of advice: Don’t just do what you love. You’ll find the experience to be much better.

I couldn’t articulate that message better myself! As usual in this blog, let’s talk about some practical ideas in the comfortability arena.

First, check out these interesting facts.

• In the year 1800 young people of both sexes would be considered adults as soon as puberty made an outwardly appearance.

• Boys could join the Army as an officer cadet at 15 years old.
• The school leaving age moved to 14 years old in the 19th century
• In 1900, 1 out of 10 American young people between 14-17 years old attended high school.
• So around 1900 a cascade of labor and school reform laws were passed in an attempt to protect kids from the harsh conditions in factories.

What has this caused?

• Teens who once established a role of contributor and key producer to society came to an end and suddenly their role was almost exclusively CONSUMER
• Entire industries have taken off: music, movies, fashion, technology…
• Most young Americans are pushing back adulthood until their late twenties or early thirties.
• The “teen” years are viewed as some sort of VACATION and expectations for teenagers have lowered over time.

Here are two healthy ways to make you children uncomfortable.

1. Make your child get a job over the summer!

Some children have “job like experiences” in the summer like competitive sports, fine arts, or programs like 4H. If these programs, however, are not teaching hard work, responsibility, and perseverance than maybe you need to be looking for something else. If your children do not have anything this summer teaching these traits, be looking for programs that offer this. Or if they are old enough, help them find a job. I know several of our OCA high school boys have started lawn mowing companies!

2. Ask them to apologize face-to-face with someone when they make a mistake.

Has your child ever done something to hurt someone else’s feelings? Sometimes this happens intentionally but many times we can hurt feelings unintentionally. Regardless, make them apologize not only to the other child but have them apologize to that child’s parents!  That is uncomfortable but something your child will never forget!

The summer is a fantastic time for adventure and the expanding of life experiences. Don’t let the summer slip by without making sure your kids learn these very important lessons. Learning how to do the hard things early in life will only benefit them more later in life.